How to cool off a Christian

I CAN GET AS ANGRY as anyone.

Even at Christians.

Especially at Christians.

I expect more of those suckers than I expect of the Other Guys.

And too doggone often, I’m disappointed.

Often enough that if a company rep IDs himself or herself as a Christian, I’m thinking I should move on to the next bid.

It started when we bought our house back in ’99.

We got it from a Christian realtor who ignored our wish list and managed to sell us on the house of a new builder she represented—neglecting to mention that she represented him. That realtor double dipped, taking a cut from us and from the builder.

I was not cool with that.

The Christian builder lasted one year before returning to his first love: making money as a roofer.

I ended up ordering the Christian off my property at the end of the first year. He refused to make good on some of the repairs that were needed because of his shoddy work.

Like the front door that leaked, which he “repaired” with caulk every time we got a heavy rain. I replaced the door myself—and got my money back, with a little help from my homeowner’s insurance guy who threatened to sue the builder into the Stone Age.

And like that outside paint job by a company that spray-painted our house without washing off the construction mud. After the paint peeled the first time the sprinkler hit it while I was watering the new sod, the Christian builder bought me a paint brush.

It was a nice brush. I’ll give him that.

What else I wanted to give him, I shall not say.

As I type this, I’m psyching myself up for a phone conversation in another hour with the Christian president of an internet-related company that does a spectacular job of billing me for its service. But the service lately hasn’t matched the bill. And, frankly, I’ve found myself wondering if the gent, a pleasant fellow, might be hiring people as they fall off the turnip truck.

“You’re hired.”

I’m going into that phone meeting with just one goal: don’t go crazy on his person.

• No cussing.
• No screaming.
• No telling him where to relocate his corporate headquarters.

Stay cool.

Keep my eye on the picture of Buddy the Dog in the sprinkler.

Stick to the script of problems we need to address, allowing for the possibility of a fallback option: to kindly go our separate ways. Emphasize kindly.

Oh, and one more thing. Five minutes before the scheduled call, read this Bible verse of my own paraphrasing:

A soft-spoken answer can defuse an explosive soul,
But a loudmouth will push their button.
Proverbs 15:1 Steve’s Bible Translation

A 10-book giveaway by Steve, ends 8.29.13.