Church bulletin bloopers

AN ALASKAN BEAR ATE THE BROTHER of my former pastor’s wife a few days before Thanksgiving, several years ago.

Her brother had been hunting.

The pastor and his wife flew to Alaska right away. So the associate minister had to preach the Thanksgiving sermon.

When I planted myself in the sanctuary and opened the church bulletin, I was dumbfounded by the sermon title.

“My What a Feast!”

I was reminded of this story by today’s blog, sent out by the literary agency that represents me. My agent’s blog post—a collection of church bulletin bloopers—was a reminder to edit carefully.

Below are some of my favorite bloopers. If you’d like to see the full list, go to the Steve Laube Agency Blog.

• Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
• Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say ‘Hell’ to someone who doesn’t care much about you.
• Miss Charlene Mason sang ‘I Will Not Pass This Way Again,’ giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
• The Rev. Merriweather spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience.
• Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24th in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
• During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J. F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.
• Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
• Due to the Rector’s illness, Wednesday’s healing services will be discontinued until further notice.
• This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
• The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession.
• The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: ‘I Upped My Pledge…Up Yours.’