THAT’S WHAT A READER of mine says she is planning to do.
Close up shop on her second marriage.
She’s divorced.
She has been married to her second husband for four years.
And she says she now thinks Jesus has given her one of two options:
- Reconcile with her first husband
- Stay unmarried until her first husband dies
That instantly brings to mind two choices the second husband might consider:
- Kill the first husband
- Commit his wife to a 12-Step program for recovering biblical literalists
I know I shouldn’t joke about this tragic decision the lady is making. But what other choices is she giving her second husband?
I blogged about this recently, before I knew what she was planning to do: Remarried, am I committing adultery?
The lady is basing her decision mainly on a one-liner Jesus didn’t make to her, but made to a group of Pharisees who taught that Jewish men could divorce their ladies for any reason.
Jesus responded with what biblical scholars say was the kind of exaggeration he used in the Sermon on the Mount (camel through a needle’s eye, be perfect, poke out your right eye).
Here’s what Jesus said:
“A man who divorces his wife and marries someone else commits adultery” (Luke 16:18, NLT).
So in spite of the fact that God says “I hate divorce” (Malachi 2:16, NLT), the lady says she is going to divorce her second husband and either try to reconcile with her first husband or wait until he dies to remarry.
She says that repenting of her divorce isn’t enough. She has to “turn away from her sin,” which is what she considers the second marriage. For her, the first marriage was the binding covenant. The second marriage is…I don’t know what she thinks it is besides sin. But it’s a covenant as sacred and as binding as the first.
When I suggested that she was taking Jesus’ words out of context by applying them to her situation instead of limiting them to Jesus’ situation with the Pharisees, she told me that the Holy Spirit wrote the Bible, and that all Scripture is God-breathed, and that God never changes.
I took a class in college called “Fallacies in Argument.”
It’s hard to know where to begin with the lady’s reasoning.
Questions that come to mind:
- Where do you get the idea that every word in our Bible was written by the Holy Spirit? And even it if was, what does that have to do with saying Jesus was talking to you?
- The “all Scripture is God-breathed,” wasn’t talking about our Bible. It was Paul writing a letter to Timothy, talking about their Bible: the Old Testament; the Jewish Bible. The Gospel of Luke, which you are using to justify killing your marriage, hadn’t even been written when Paul wrote that.
- What does “God never changes” have to do with hijacking the words of Jesus which he used in one specific situation and applying them to situations he never intended, as far as Luke was concerned?
The lady’s radical misuse of the Bible in such a hurtful way leaves me perplexed.
It’s the kind of thing someone might do if they’re desperately looking for an excuse to get out of a marriage. Use the Bible to justify an unholy action.
It’s hard for me to believe that, in this case.
But it’s even tougher to believe that someone who seems to be so familiar with Scripture could be so unfamiliar with Jesus…to genuinely believe he would condone this.
As if two gut-wrenching wrongs make a right.
Or maybe she worships the Words as she understands them instead of the Person the Words are intended to introduce.
I just don’t know.
But I’m certain that her decision is wrong, despite whatever reason she imagines it right.
Perhaps nothing anyone says is going to turn this lady in a direction toward compassion and healing.
But I do feel compelled to say that the pain she about to cause herself, her second husband, and the rest of her family feels more evil than godly.
Am I wrong about that?
I suspect there is far more to this story than I’ve been told.
Of this much I am certain, two souls need added to the prayer list.
Added to prayer list.
How can you possible argue with someone stating what God has impressed upon them? You have no idea what God has impressed upon her. You have no idea what her relationship with God truly is. I find it extremely offensive that you would set yourself up as judge, jury & hangman for this woman’s obedience to what God has told her.
I also question whether you have done a biblical study of “covenant.” Before you spew your opinion on someone else’s convictions and then post it on a blog for others to “judge” and/or agree with you, I would ask you to prayerfully ask Abba for wisdom and how you might compassionately & mercifully minister to this woman. Your sharing her story is, in my humble opinion, wrong and judgmental.
If the Bible is not literal and you pick and choose what to believe & apply to your life, I do not see how you fully trust God and have an understanding of His character. Perhaps I’m missing something. You either believe God is who He says He is and that He does what He says He will do our you do not fully know God. Please please consider the beam in your own eye before speaking about others because that can be much more damaging than you fully realize.
Hello, Emmi.
Sorry you judged me as judgmental.
I was simply trying to answer the question the lady asked me. And I tried to point out the radical mistakes she was making in her interpretation of the Bible. These were very hurtful, tragic mistakes that didn’t need to be made. I can only hope she didn’t go through with it.
If you’re a friend of hers, I hope you didn’t encourage and enable her to do it.
Actually! She’s 100% correct in her belief. Clearly, not the popular teachings of many churches today that have adopted the extreme translation errors that occured. She is correct. It’s ongoing adultery and not seen as a marriage in God’s eyes. Please research the earliest church writings and definitions and you’ll see the deception that took place and hopefully reach out to this woman and encourage her to obey the Lord’s command. 1 Corinthiand 7:10 and Luke 16:18 are pretty clear, but when you analyze Matthew 5,19; Mark 10, Romans 7:1-4, Ephesians, etc…especially Malachi 2&3….you will say to yourself, “how did I not see this before?”
Oh my…that is sad. What an awful self-inflicted prison to live in: taking the Bible literally. Don’t know what to say other than good luck with that one…
Thank you for posting this Stephen — I feel so sorry for this poor misguided lady who is going to make an even more dreadful mistake because of atrocious Bible exegesis. We will be covering the book of Ezra in our next Bible study with the infamous mass divorces ordered by Ezra — a historical example that many (especially in Fundementalist circles) have used to justify “divorcing unbelievers” and “mixed marriages.” You answered this question excellently — in fact, I want to add something to it. Jesus, basically, never really taught anything about marriage and divorce — and like you said, the answer was given to the Pharisees who had a warped idea about marriage. This lady’s question falls under Paul’s answer to the Corinthians questions that are found in 1 Corinthians 7 where Paul basically tells them THAT YOU ARE TO REMAIN IN THE SITUATION YOU ARE IN! If you are married, you stay married unless the person leaves and deserts. Bible scholars have called this the “Pauline privilege.” Paul makes it clear that “I say this, not the Lord” (Jesus really never said much on the subject of Divorce– Paul adds his take on this since the Corinthians had many questions on these topics). Deep down, I think this person is just trying to find an “excuse” to get rid of her husband and to use the Scriptures to justify such an action is outrageous and sinful! I would advise her to get some counseling from a church that isn’t so ignorant in its Bible interpretation.
It’s sad that she is taking the bible literally when not all of it is meant to be taken so.
Remember we all sin and all we need to do is ask for forgiveness!
I just got this comment from someone on reddit who shows thar remarrying the first husband isn’t kosher, by Old Testament law.
————–
So in spite of the fact that God says “I hate divorce” (Malachi 2:16, NLT), the lady says she is going to divorce her second husband and either try to reconcile with her first husband or wait until he dies to remarry.
The irony, it hurts…
God hates divorce because it causes pain, God hates divorce because He experienced it Himself.
I have heard a preacher say in a sermon once that when Jesus was preaching his sermon on the mount, her was referencing this from Deuteronomy 24:
1If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, 2and if after she leaves his house she becomes the wife of another man, 3and her second husband dislikes her and writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, or if he dies, 4then her first husband, who divorced her, is not allowed to marry her again after she has been defiled. That would be detestable in the eyes of the Lord. Do not bring sin upon the land the Lord your God is giving you as an inheritance.
This passage talks specifically about who the divorced woman is not allowed to remarry. It is the first husband (if she has been married a second time).
To divorce your second husband and remarry your first is, according to Deut 24, detestable.
Scripture also says that if you have divorced (a first husband/wife) that you should remain single or reconcile to that person. You must also take into consideration the culture/time that they were living in. Men were giving wives a certificate of divorce from something as trivial as burning breakfast and then later re-marrying them. This is what is referred to in the scripture you referred to as “detestable.” NOT that there should be reconciliation but that they husbands would do this repeatedly again & again and then again and again take the wife back.
This issue a tough, but one thing I don’t agree with is that when you guys say, Jesus was talking to Pharisees, and apostle Paul to Romans….this is putting boundaries to the word of God and Jesus Himself. Whatever Jesus said to the Pharisees He also says it to all Christians, for somehow we’re all hit by the same problems. Why do we grab in the Bible only things we think are good to cover our weaknesses, and not those that can expose them? Somewhat the lady’s right. She must think and do it to please the Lord, and not for revenge. We should also consider what Matthew 19:1-6 says.
Hi, Matthieu. I think it’s reasonable to put boundaries on God’s Word, when those boundaries are the context in which the words were spoken. What the Bible writer reports one person saying to another is not always something that applies to all people throughout the ages. When Moses told Joshua to kill all the non-Jews in Israel, does that still apply today…to Jews killing all Palestinians, not to mention we Christian tourists? I think it’s appropriate to consider the context. And dangerous to ignore it.
She is absolutely correct on all points. Jesus made it very clear that holy matrimony is an indissoluble covenant that God Himself supernaturally joins, and in which He irrevocably participates (Gen. 2:24; Malachi 2:15; Matt. 19:5-6; Mark 10:8-9; Eph. 5:29-32).
If marrying someone else while an estranged covenant spouse is still alive were not ongoing adultery, and if what God has made one could ever be two again, what basis would Jesus have for saying 3 times: “whoever marries a one who has been put away commits adultery” (Matt. 5:32 and 19:9(b)-faithful texts; Luke 16:18) ? We see God creating a separation for spiritual adultery for a period of time (Jeremiah 3:1-14), but we never see Him forsaking an unconditional covenant, nor do we ever see him foreclosing reconciliation. We never see Him instituting divorce, but we do see His Son rebuking an appointed leader who did so (Matt. 19:8; Mark 10:5-6). We also see His Son saying this, in contrast, about the man who surrendered his very head to warn King Herod (Matt. 14:4), “it is not lawful for you to have her!” : “Truly I tell you, among those born of women there has not risen anyone greater than John the Baptist…” (Matt. 11:11; Luke 7:28).
Perhaps two years perspective from the date of this blog wherein another form of marriage desecration has become legal, with additional forms to follow will make a difference in understanding the truth. If only death breaks the marriage covenant (Romans 7:2-3 and 1 Corl 7:39), then neither man’s civil divorce, desertion, abuse, adultery (legalized or otherwise) can do so. Will the sodomist be counseled differently from the adulterer? Is the respective value of their eternal souls different that one would be counseled to fully and physically repent, and the other counseled that it is not necessary to do so?
This saint is not “dumping” anyone but satan! She is fully repenting, at the same time freeing her adultery partner to do the same, and perhaps be reconciled with his own one-flesh covenant spouse. She is showing the ultimate in love by caring more for his eternity than his present. May God grant that she is reconciled with her own covenant spouse. In these last days, it’s astonishing how often two families are reconciled as a result of radical obedience. – “standerinfamilycourt”
Quick update.
I’m getting a barrage of comments in support of the lady’s decision to divorce her second husband and remarry her first one. I’ve let one comment through, but most are too harsh and mean-spirited. It sounds like a single congregation or a Bible study group coming to the rescue of a legalistic interpretation of what Jesus said in an entirely different set of circumstances.
Essentially, they’re saying the lady should honor the first covenant at the expense of the “illegitimate” second covenant.
I find it interesting that Jesus didn’t say that to the Samaritan woman at the well who had been married five times and was living with a man she hadn’t married at all (John 4:18).
It’s sad to think that some people really do seem to believe Jesus would have condoned a second divorce to resurrect a dead first marriage, which may well have died for any number of good reasons…and should stay dead.
Hi Stephen,
This is the only post of yours I’ve ever read, thus I’m unfamiliar with where you stand on this issue, but a homosexual could apply the same logic to your argument above. For example, if a man were legally wedded to another man in a covenant marriage him and the other man made before God and was endorsed by our government as is now permissible and “the law of the land”, and started a family with this “husband”….Let’s say these guys had all the backing, support and encouragement of their church, family, and friends, and they raised their children together from infancy into teens or adulthood. Then let’s say at least one of the men came to understand this was not a lawful marriage in God eyes through the reading of the scriptures, a literal interpretation of them, in addition to conviction from the Holy Ghost. What would you advise this guy? Would you consider him to be in a biblical relationship, or would you advise him to repent from that marriage, even with kids and an entire family who would be broken up and destroyed over this newfound conviction? Even though God hates divorce, do you really think he would want this man to stay in this relationship? Every single other biblical argument on this subject aside, Jesus specifically defines marriage point blank. It is between one man and one woman for LIFE. “Have ye not read, that He which made them at the beginning made them male and female, and said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together let not man put asunder.” -Matthew 19:4b-6 That sums it all up. May God help us to not be like the serpent in Genesis who tricked and confused by subtly questioning the Lord’s commands, “Yea, hath God said…?”
I write this in a spirit of love, meekness and humility and hope this doesn’t come across as arrogant, hostile or mean spirited. The last line is something I personally check my own heart about on a regular basis.
Hi Stephen,
This is the only post of yours I’ve ever read, thus I’m unfamiliar with where you stand on this issue, but a homosexual could apply the same logic to your argument above. For example, if a man were legally wedded to another man in a covenant marriage him and the other man made before God and was endorsed by our government as is now permissible and “the law of the land”, and started a family with this “husband”….Let’s say these guys had all the backing, support and encouragement of their church, family, and friends, and they raised their children together from infancy into teens or adulthood. Then let’s say at least one of the men came to understand this was not a lawful marriage in God eyes through the reading of the scriptures, a literal interpretation of them, in addition to conviction from the Holy Ghost. What would you advise this guy? Would you consider him to be in a biblical relationship, or would you advise him to repent from that marriage, even with kids and an entire family who would be broken up and destroyed over this newfound conviction? Even though God hates divorce, do you really think he would want this man to stay in this relationship? Every single other biblical argument on this subject aside, Jesus specifically defines marriage point blank. It is between one man and one woman for LIFE. “Have ye not read, that He which made them at the beginning made them male and female, and said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together let not man put asunder.” -Matthew 19:4b-6 That sums it all up. May God help us to not be like the serpent in Genesis who tricked and confused by subtly questioning the Lord’s commands, “Yea, hath God said…?”
I write this in a spirit of love, meekness and humility and hope this doesn’t come across as arrogant, hostile or mean spirited. The last line is something I personally check my own heart about on a regular basis.
PS I sincerely apologize if this came through twice, my internet crashed in the process of submitting the first time.
Not at all mean. Thanks for that. It’s hard to hear anything through meanness.
I have trouble following the logic of the argument, though. Adding the gay topic to an already tough topic leaves my head spinning.
The idea of telling a woman that she has solid biblical support to divorce her second husband and return to her first husband sounds way beyond the bounds of what Jesus ever asked any woman to do. This is such a hurtful thing to ask of anyone in a second marriage that I would never presume to argue that this would be God’s will for them. If Gabriel came and said it was, I’d ask to check his ID.
I’m getting a lot of same-sounding arguments from what seems to be one group of people. Most of it is mean. I’m wondering who this group is because it’s sounding a lot like a cult driven by one person’s ideas about select topics in the Bible. And it doesn’t sound like there’s much room for tolerance or respect toward the opinions of other Christians devoted to the teachings of Jesus.
First of all, I genuinely appreciate you taking the time to respond to me. That was so kind of you and I can’t thank you enough.
I don’t belong to any specific group of people. I saw this post on a Facebook thread via a fb friend. I will say that from my limited experience of having encountered others with similar views on this subject….I haven’t personally met anyone who holds this position that was a happily first time married couple filled with self righteousness and desiring to point their finger at others and elevate themselves. On the contrary, I have met many broken people who are extremely passionate about this subject for various reasons, including that they may have been abandoned by a spouse they are still waiting for, along with a whole host of other reasons. Not trying to justify the sinful actions of others at all, just trying to empathize and understand where at least some of these individuals may be coming from. May God grant them and us a spirit of love, meekness and humility so others won’t be turned away from the gospel and it’s saving power and truth.
I made the gay marriage argument because there are gay couples who are legally married and have made a covenant with one another, and have even started a family together. Some of these people are faithful church goers who profess to have a relationship with the Lord. If one “spouse” realized this was unbiblical and consequently felt the need to divorce and abandon this sinful relationship, most Christians wouldn’t think twice about the divorcing and forsaking of a covenant because they would consider that marriage illegitimate to begin with. Although I believe that God perfectly designed male and female marital relationships, I believe the key part of Jesus’s definition/exhortation is to not put asunder what God hath joined together…in other words, marriage being between one man and one woman for life. There are many Christians (not accusing you of this at all) today who are more obsessed with the anatomical correctness of a couple, and therefore reject gay marriage while happily supporting people on their 2nd, 3rd, and 4th marriages (when the first spouse isn’t even deceased). This is hurtful to many homosexuals who know what the bible teaches on remarriage. They see the hypocrisy in this. It is a horrible witness.
In a gay marriage it would be just as hurtful if a fellow Christian, the Bible, or even Jesus Christ himself, asked one spouse to abandon what they feel is a valid marriage, perhaps even one they fully believe God supports and even ordained. That doesn’t make it right though. One of the saddest aspects to me about the false gay gospel is the promotion of personal happiness, as if Jesus came to this earth and died for that purpose. I am not condemning happiness at all, but from a biblical perspective, life is not all about us and our personal happiness. It’s about finding eternal joy in our Creator, Sovereign, Creator, and King, and encountering that as a broken person in a fallen world corrupted by sin.
I just wrote this on that thread where I discovered your post. I should have specified that I was not accusing you if this at all, but it’s is a common trend I see of those who hold a difference of opinion on this matter. And something I believe we should all personally search our hearts about: It’s so interesting to me that people think Christians who hold this conviction are being pharisitical. Jesus called those who wanted eternal life to repentance. The Pharisees did not like his message at all. They were full of rage and resentment and jealousy toward him. They were comfortable in their life as it was and didn’t want Jesus raining on their parade so to speak. They didn’t want him or his saving message. In their wrath and hatred they crucified him. Most so-called Christians today resent and hate fellow believers who hold this position on scriptures. They come after them in the same hateful rejecting spirit the Pharisees came after Jesus with, all the while throwing stones and accusing these Christians of being legalistic pharisees.
In your case, it seems this was the other way around. Again, may God help us all.
I think some people have righteous indignation on this issue, I think others are too proud and haughty, I think some people may think this post of yours wasn’t allowing room or respect or tolerance for the woman you wrote about. I think you may feel people who believe remarriage for any cause other than the death of a spouse is adultery are following too closely the letter of the law, rather than the spirit of the law/word. But, from my perspective, and I say this with all due respect, I see many of your arguments above dissecting scripture in such a way that makes it more technical, and if believers followed that approach it would be following the letter of the law, rather than the spirit and heart of it. Speaking to the disciples regarding his teaching on marriage, Jesus admitted it was a hard saying and many would have a hard time swallowing it. (Horrible paraphrase there, please forgive me.)
You can’t pick and choose which words of God you want to follow from the scriptures and still believe you are whole. If that were true then some could say thou shall not kill can be ignored. She is in adultery with her second husband if her first is still alive. That TRUTH is mentioned again and again in the scriptures. Remaining in sin never makes it right. Repentance is more than just saying “im sorry” We must try and right that which is wrong.
However, reconciliation with her first husband is also not allowed. He is not to take her back once she has been with another man. That is in Deuteronomy 24:4. So she would have to wait till he passed away.