THIS IS ODD. I’ve got two absolutely true stories from this past week: a short one, and a shorter one.
What’s extra odd is that I’m going to accessorize them with Bible passages that come to mind as I think about the stories.
This is just for a fun change of pace. But it might give you a chance to see how my head ticks and tocks the Bible throughout the day. Any little thing can remind me of a Bible passage, though not always in the proper context.
4:45 a.m. Father’s Day gift
Before the first light of Father’s Day last Sunday, my son was awakened by his two-year-old daughter. It was 4:45 in the morning when she cried out, “Daddy.”
My son went into her room and she handed him a big booger. His first Father’s Day gift of the day.
Thank you,” he said, laughing. “Now go back to sleep.”
(Really, he assures me he was laughing at 4:45 a.m.)
Inappropriate sentence in a Mexican restaurant
My wife and I had lunch last week with my son and his wife, along with their two-year-old daughter, a wonderful little girl.
We arrived at the popular Mexican restaurant just in time, before the huge crowds grew a waiting line into the parking lot.
The restaurant inside was crowded, too, and the tables tightly packed.
We were still munching on our tamales and refried beans when the little girl, a wonderful girl, cried out loudly.
“I need to poop!”
I have no doubt that at least half the restaurant heard that.
Her dad sat at her right side. Her mom sat at the left. Neither said a thing. They just chewed.
I was sitting directly across the table from my granddaughter, looking straight into her dancing face. My wife sat beside me at my left.
I asked my wife to take her granddaughter to the bathroom.
My son said there was no need.
He said his daughter had recently discovered if she used that sentence in a restaurant, she could get out of the highchair, and take a walk.
It occurred to me that most of the people in the restaurant probably did not know that.
“I need to poop!” She said it again. She’s a wonderful girl.
I asked my wife again to take her for a walk, for the sake of the people around us.
When my wife asked the little girl where she wanted to go, she pointed in the opposite direction of the restroom.
Her dad was right. She didn’t have to go. It was all a ploy. Just a poopy ploy.
If I remember correctly, my wife took her for three walks, because the little girl repeated her declaration several times. And by this time, the Mexican restaurant hosted an overflowing waiting room just a few steps away from our table.
As the meal was beginning to conclude, the little girl’s mother managed to lure her daughter into coloring on a napkin.
All was well.
But when it came time to leave, the little girl didn’t want to go. She started to cry.
I considered myself a wise grandfather who could quickly solve this problem. I leaned over to her, and when she saw that, she leaned toward me. I whispered into her ear, “Sweetie, we need to leave because your daddy has to poop.”
Her eyes lit up and she was suddenly ready to go.
There was quite a crowd of people waiting to get in.
My son picked up his daughter and led the way as we gently elbowed ourselves toward the parking lot. My wife and I followed behind.
When we finally got out to the cars, my son turned around and I saw that his face was glowing brake light red.
I asked what happened. My son said that as he was walking through the crowd, his daughter kept telling the people, “Daddy haf’ poop.”
Wise grandfather that I am, I threw myself at his mercy.
“I am so sorry. I will never do that again.”
And I won’t.
 “Honor your father and your mother so that you will live a long time” (Exodus 20:12 NCV).
 “Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love” (Ephesians 4:2 NLT).
 “Saul went into a cave to relieve himself. But as it happened, David and his men were hiding farther back in that very cave!” (1 Samuel 24:3 NLT).
 “Have lots of children. Fill this world with your children and your children’s children” (Genesis 1:28 Casual English Bible).
 “The mouth of the godly person gives wise advice” (Proverbs 10:31).
 “The people of Crete are all liars” (Titus 1:12).
 “Anyone who becomes as humble as this little child is the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven” (Matthew 18:4 NLT).
 “The poor wretch threw himself at the king’s feet and begged, ‘Give me a chance’ (Matthew 18:26 MSG).
 “Those who bring trouble on their families inherit the wind” (Proverbs 11:29 NLT).
 “There will be the sound of laughter. I will give them many children” (Jeremiah 30:19 NCV).
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