FLOWER CHILD. On a mountaintop in Washington State a few years ago, I hold my weary granddaughter before she rides back down the trail on the shoulders of her dad, my son. This picture came to mind today when the words of a Philistine to King David, made me stop what I was doing and think awhile. Sometimes a writer has to sit and think about what the Bible just said.
I HAD TO STOP WHAT I WAS DOING to write this, because I’m sitting here with tears in my beard.
I was paraphrasing 2 Samuel 15, this morning. It’s the story of Absalom’s coup against his father, King David. David was fleeing Jerusalem, with all the officials, family, and friends loyal to him. At the edge of town, he stood to watch the people leaving with him.
He stopped a man who had recently moved his family from the Philistine city of Gath to Jerusalem. David tried to talk him into staying behind, assuring him that Absalom would welcome him.
But the former Philistine said, “You are my king….Where you go is where I want to be” (2 Samuel 15:21, Casual English Bible). Sounds like Ruth to Naomi: “Where you go, I’ll go. Where you stay, I’ll stay” (Ruth 1:16).
Why tears fell
I know why the tears fell.
We parents can’t forever remain part of the daily lives of their kids, as we did when they were shorter and spoke in squeaky words.
Yet the quote of the Philistine are my words to my children and to my grandchildren. “Where you are is where I want to be.”
Love holds on
I don’t mean to latch onto my kids in an unhealthy and dependent way. But love doesn’t let go. They’ll discover that when their kids are grown. Some things require a wait—such as discovering how much a parent loves a child; you’ve got to have a child of your own before you can understand that kind of love.
I can’t go to my son and say, “Where you go is where I want to be.” It would freak out his wife. Which would freak out him.
Ditto with my daughter. My son-in-law might pack up the family and move to Colorado, where his parents live…until they tell him, “Where you go is where I want to be.”
Happy tears in the Happy House
The tears in my beard are happy tears. That’s appropriate since our grandkids call this the Happy House. (Confession: I gave it that name one day when some grandkids arrived cranky and crying.)
My daughter, husband, and two sons ages 7 and 5 live about 10 minutes from my front door. My son, wife, and three daughters ages 7, 5, and almost 3 live about 20 minutes away.
My daughter plans family events months ahead; I have the baseball and soccer schedules to prove it.
My son lives with four females and most of his family plans don’t go far beyond the next two minutes. He’ll call and ask if we’d like to join them eating out for supper. “When?” I ask. “We’re leaving now.”
I don’t believe I’ve ever turned him down, even when my wife couldn’t join us. I’d go without her. I’ve even gone after I had already eaten. I just wanted the time with them.
Ditto vacations. He’d call and say, “We’re going to Seattle and wanted to see if you wanted to join us.” I’d ask, “When?” He’d say, “We’re getting the tickets now.”
So, we’re headed to Seattle in a few weeks.
Not to intrude
“Where you go is where I want to be” tries not to intrude. But the love behind the words doesn’t want to miss the opportunities.
I think some of the tears in my beard are from sadness, too. I had to move 800 miles from my Ohio home to finish my education and to get the job I needed. I know my kids have careers that can take them anywhere.
My son loves Seattle. Curse those Seahawks. I tell him China will invade Seattle first and might never bother with Kansas if they check the weather. But he knows I’m no prophet. Still, you don’t need to be a prophet to know that. It’s only 5,396 miles from Beijing to Seattle. It’s 6,623 to KC. However, we do have better barbecue and the Kansas City Chiefs. The Chinese would love both.
Get back to work, Steve
I need to get back to work, paraphrasing the rest of 2 Samuel 15. But I needed this break, too.
The Bible can do this to us. It can put a comma in our day and refine our behavior in the long haul.
We’ll read the Bible passage, expecting to move on to the next thing. And suddenly, out of the heavenly blue, God seems to talk with us about stuff that never occurred to us before. At least in my case, it never occurred to me in the way I see it now, through words finely aged for 3,000 years.
May the Bible continue to help us see what we would otherwise overlook. And may it continue to help us appreciate what we could take for granted.
PS to my kids
Note to daughter and son: I’m not moving in.
Where you go is where I want to be, but we all need elbow room.
It’s true, however, that your mom and I are lucky and grateful to have our children and grandchildren this close. It may not always be that way. But we will always be grateful that once upon a time it was.
And grateful that your lives, wherever lived, will always be the most honored part of who we are.
You might not understand that yet. But give it a few years.
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