I DID NOT watch a football game on Sunday evening.
I watched a highlight reel, interspersed with a blooper reel.
Highlight reel: Seattle Seahawks—the team my son seems irrationally attached to, given that he lives in the middle of the country. Why on earth did he actually lose sleep before the game, nervous as all get out? Or wear the same stinky Seahawks shirt all season long, washing it only after the Super Bowl—so he could wear it to work every day this week? I’m not sure there’s medication for that.
Blooper reel: Denver Broncos—arch enemy of our local Kansas City Chiefs. I love my Denver relatives. But the Broncos…well, you do know there’s a company trying to get approval to slaughter horses for human consumption, right? I’d vote neigh.
If you saw the football game—I mean the highlight/blooper reel—you saw the dumbfounded look on the face of Denver quarterback Peyton Manning when his center’s first hike of the game blew past him like a fart, flaming into the end zone.
Swish. Two points.
I know the look—the Peyton Manning look that we saw in replays. I’ve worn it more than once.
I’d tell you when, but it’s too darn embarrassing.
Just think of your own most humiliating experience ever. Remember the feeling? Don’t linger too long. I know it hurts. But linger long enough to imagine a few people walking in on you.
Let’s say 111.5 million.
That’s the stat for how many souls watched the game.
I’m sorry. I called it a game again.
I mean the highlight reel and the blooper reel.
We saw one team at its best. As though God really does care about football…and he sure likes Seattle.
We saw another team at its worst. As though there really is a hell…Denver in New Jersey.
I’ve been wondering if, by any stretch of the imagination, the Bible weighs in on what I saw.
Is there any word of congratulation, consolation, or condemnation?
Yes. Yes. And you-better-believe-it yes.
Congratulations, to the Seahawks and their fans: “‘Well done, my good and faithful servant….Let’s celebrate together!” (Matthew 25:21). Okay, that’s a bit of a stretch.
Consolation, for the Broncos and their fans: “What we are suffering now is nothing compared with the glory that will be shown in us,” (Romans 8:18).
Condemnation, for those who would ride a Bronco into the ground: “Don’t gloat when your opponent falls on his butt. Don’t laugh when he trips over his own feet. That would disappoint God, who might respond by letting your opponent kick your butt a good one,” (Proverbs 24:17-18, Steve’s Bible Translation).
And all the people said…
c. You shouldn’t use fart in a Bible blog.